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  • 10 Likes/6 Replies/166 Views
    Ingel_Riday
    Original poster 10 posts

    Heya all.

    Title pretty much says it all. I don’t know why, but it bothers me that for some reason all topless female Roman statues have either conveniently eroded-away bosoms or (much more rarely) incredibly low-res stone bras glued onto them (saw this at a ruin east of Jorvik and laughed in disgust). My ancestors were actually Puritans, and this is the kind of garbage I would expect them to do. Smash all erogenous zones off statues lest impure thoughts fester among the populace.

    But hey, they had the right idea, eh? We can’t have bare female breasts in this game (outside two witch bosses). It might corrupt our children and trigger our sensitive folk. No, best to remove the offensive content… which is anything that doesn’t involve massive amounts of murder. Because, in true Puritanical fashion, it’s okay to:

    - cut off arms
    - slice off legs
    - behead people
    - cave people’s skulls in via curb-stomping
    - cave people’s skulls in via smashing them with giant hammers
    - ram a spear through the back of someone’s head before using such said spear to snap their neck
    - break someone’s back with a hidden blade and see the vertebrae and sinews be rent asunder in a lovingly rendered, slow-motion gore fest
    - shove a knife through the bottom of someone’s jaw, pushing it through their entire head
    - stab a sword into someone’s neck and cackle as they gasp in agony and fall to the ground
    - shove a double-headed axe into someone’s head and then leave their limp body propped up on such-said axe like a tripod
    - knock someone down, grab a shield, and crash it down on their windpipe so hard that you completely shatter their neck
    - So on

    That’s all fine, apparently. All of the above is cool, but we better hide those Roman statue tig ol’ bitties. Gotta respect our women-folk, right? I’ve played 62 hours and killed more people than I did in 140 hours in Origins. It’s been a raging festival of slaughter, but thank you for hiding un-sexualized cleavage. *sigh*

    But yeah, that’s it. Again, it’s a small, petty detail… but I’m truthfully rather disgusted by it. I’ve gotten used to the weird direction this franchise has been heading in, what with my anachronistically LGBTQ+ friendly Viking village, my anachronistically 50/50 gender split raiding parties, my bizarre anime-golden armor and weapons, my anachronistically progressive clan in which gender is literally nothing more than a cosmetic aesthetic (there has never been a society in human history where this was the case), almost no assassinating / emphasis on assassination gameplay in a game series called ASSASSIN'S CREED, and every side-quest having been written and designed while under the influence of the most wild drugs known to mankind.

    I’ve also spent the past two games being lectured to by Internet tough-guys for not playing the “real canon protagonist,” because apparently Ubisoft’s spin on the whole “choose your character” Skyrim thing is “you can choose whichever character model you want, but only one is canon and the other is you playing a fake animus ‘what-if’ scenario that never happened, scrub. Har har. Feel like those choices mattered now? Like there was anything at stake whatsoever? No, because you were just a meaningless 'what-if' scenario? Good.”

    Heck, I’ve even gotten used to the relatively dull Dark-Souls combat which has zero combos (light light heavy) and seldom goes deeper than dodge + light attack spam. After 280 hours with Origins and 400+ with Odyssey, I’ve learned to accept a lot of revisionism, madness, and vapid internet abuse.

    But this… lopping the “offensive” parts off female statues to appease God-knows-who is just so freaking weird and regressive. Regressive in the pursuit of pandering to progressives who have become so progressive that they are as backwards as my 400+ year dead ancestors. Bizarre. It makes me miss the Ezio trilogy all the more, which would never have been green-lighted if it was proposed nowadays. *sigh* "Only 20 hours long with no micro-transactions, no revisionist identity politics, no way to crap on the player for choosing a dude, and the statues haven't had their naughty bits chiseled off? GET OUT OF HERE."    

    I think I'm getting burned out, haha.

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    Contrary to popular belief, Lorem Ipsum is not simply random text. It has roots in a piece of classical Latin literature from 45 BC, making it over 2000 years old. Richard McClintock, a Latin professor at Hampden-Sydney College in Virginia, looked up one of the more obscure Latin words, consectetur, from a Lorem Ipsum passage, and going through the cites of the word in classical literature, discovered the undoubtable source. Lorem Ipsum comes from sections 1.10.32 and 1.10.33 of "de Finibus Bonorum et Malorum" (The Extremes of Good and Evil) by Cicero, written in 45 BC. This book is a treatise on the theory of ethics, very popular during the Renaissance. The first line of Lorem Ipsum, "Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet..", comes from a line in section 1.10.32.

    Contrary to popular belief, Lorem Ipsum is not simply random text. It has roots in a piece of classical Latin literature from 45 BC, making it over 2000 years old. Richard McClintock, a Latin professor at Hampden-Sydney College in Virginia, looked up one of the more obscure Latin words, consectetur, from a Lorem Ipsum passage, and going through the cites of the word in classical literature, discovered the undoubtable source. Lorem Ipsum comes from sections 1.10.32 and 1.10.33 of "de Finibus Bonorum et Malorum" (The Extremes of Good and Evil) by Cicero, written in 45 BC. This book is a treatise on the theory of ethics, very popular during the Renaissance. The first line of Lorem Ipsum, "Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet..", comes from a line in section 1.10.32.

  • SaintlyStorms
    76 posts

    @ingel_riday And in the complete opposite direction, CD PROJEKT fully animated sex scenes and... Oh my lord... Actual breasts.

    Time to grow up Ubisoft.

    Edit: I can't believe they've censored THAT word... Grow up Ubisoft. The world has moved on. We're becoming more tolerant. Shocking, I know.

  • SouldrinkerLP
    316 posts

    @saintlystorms I was actually hoping for some spicy scenes with the actual "romances" in the game. The quest with Randvi really made me feel like: Oh boy, did they actually grow up now? And then... black screen. Its funny if you go to the romance and have some fun and then they just stand there as if nothing happened. Really awkward "interpretation" of love.

  • SaintlyStorms
    76 posts

    @souldrinkerlp It's a little embarrassing for Ubisoft to not move on from the days of old when s-e-x was taboo in video games. I remember when the first Mass Effect game came out and FOX News did a report on how the game was corrupting children with the s-e-x scene. It's actually still on YouTube I think. The point is Ubisoft need to get with the times. It's no longer shocking to show these types of things. Movies and TV shows do it so why can't games? Honestly, it's just laziness more than ethics at this point.

  • SouldrinkerLP
    316 posts

    @saintlystorms It can be done bad very easily. It's not that easy to do a good erotic scene. So maybe they fear to do it wrong? Imagine a typical ubisoft animation bug occurs during one.

  • SaintlyStorms
    76 posts

    @souldrinkerlp I remember playing Witcher 3 in its early form. The scene with Yennefer and the unicorn... Let's just say the the T pose was very effective in that particular position 😐 I freaked out. Then I laughed.

    But yeah I see what you mean.

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