Ladies and gentleman boys and girls,children of all ages, Ubisoft proudly presents to you The Assassins Creed Valhalla animal kingdom of....the...worrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrld!!!!!!We have dodging dogs,acrobatic cats, side stepping bears,and for the experienced hunters zig zagging deer.Why even rabbits and foxes get in on the fun as they speed back and forth avoiding your death shot.And for the coup de gras since we've learned yes,horses can swim,we have swimming horrrrrrrses,they can't climb much but boy can they swim!And don't worry,for the casual snake lover we have vipers in the snow.
So please join Ubisoft for the most epic viking saga ever told,They've completely rewritten history just for you!No one handed swords in this era,and these vikings, super nice,no killing civilians and I believe they're working on hugs in a future patch.And...for the explicit breasts scene involving Rollo,that's right they have a nudity filter..No worries about historical accuracy either,whatever they get wrong....what's the difference it's just a game anyway.
No period correct armor in this one ,the devs very charitably let their 12 year olds create the game armor,doesn't fit looks like crap but hey....there's the Ubi store.for the most unrealistic looking outfits at a mere twenty dollars...what? too expensive? Just remember their slogan"we're overpriced but we're nice,we take your money with a smile!!!" So open your wallets and get ready for.....well you might want to wait a bit until they get the bugs fixed,but turn those frowns upside down bugs add flavor to a game!
So remember,very little story,characters you could care less about and oodles of empty areas just for you to explore,,have loads of fun in a the fun filled world of Valhalla.....No Refunds